100 Days of Happiness - Day 23
Today I watched an amazing documentary called The Business of Being Born. It was one of those ones that leave you thinking for hours...and probably days afterward. I have had two births neither one was exactly what I had planned or hoped for.
Auron's birth was honestly the birth from hell. My mother who is a midwife and sees births day in and day out was even horrified. It left me traumatised, and more that likely was the catalyst for my post natal depression. As horrible as it sounds I really didn't want anything to do with him after he was born. It took a good 6 month until I could finally say I was in love with my son.
When I became pregnant with Lili I swore it was going to be different. I sought help from a social worker and counselor to help me go through the process of healing. I chose a different hospital as I didn't want those memories flooding back as I walked through the doors. I research natural birth and fell in love with the idea of Hynobirthing. For the last 4 months of my pregnancy I did all the exercises and mentally prepared. When Lili was 2 weeks overdue, she stopped moving as much. I went in for monitoring and they decided to induce me. It was a bitter sweet moment. I was relieved to have this baby on the way, but I knew full well that being induced often meant more intense labour, and a high risk of further interventions. It also meant being strapped to monitors for the entire time. When labour picked up I was able to put all my hard work into practice. Oh boy did it pay off. After three hours of labour our sweet Liliana-Mei was born. I was able to mostly have the birth I wanted, but still the induction tainted the the experience a little. In comparison to Auron's birth though this was a walk in the park.
The documentary focused on how society has somehow convinced women that their bodies don't know how to birth. I wonder if I had been in a more comfortable situation, and felt more comfortable within myself if things might have been different. I feel thankful that I didn't end up having to have a c-section with Auron.
Today I was just thankful and amazed at how wonderfully amazing our bodies as women are. More so I am thankful for a mind that is able to overcome horrible experiences. Had I not been able to 'forget' I doubt our beautiful little Lili would be here, or that any future children would exist.